A letter to Bitt

Bitt,
I felt I just needed to write to you tonight. I have been so stressed and not in a good place for weeks now and I am sorry. I know this stress and worry is not good for either of us. I wish I could let it go, for you. I think about you all the time. I think about your big sis who is always and forever your guardian angel. I dream of your future then I freak out because your coming home with me seems so real and the realization that that might not happen hits me. I try to be a good mommy to you but I know I am failing. Recently, I sit as still as I can and just wait for you to move. When you are asleep, and I do not feel you move I start to panic. I know… I know I should not worry because you are a baby and sleep a lot. When I finally feel your little kick, I smile every time. That feeling is such a miracle, you are a miracle. I promise to love you always and forever. My bound with you will continue to grow, so lack I have now will be that much stronger tomorrow and the day after. Please forgive me my Bitt for not being a better mother right now. I will make it up to you.
Love always,
Mommy