Tears...

Tears come when I am smiling at my new baby girl. Tears come when my daughter is crying. Tears seem to roll down my cheeks for the slightest reasons. Such bittersweet moments.

The other day, I was watching my very small very young daughter while she breastfeed. It was a miracle to see her eating and looking up at me. Her dark blue eyes were bright and seemed to be smiling at me. I could see the love she has for her mommy already. I hoped she could recognize that same love in my eyes. Then all of a sudden my eyes filled with tears. I blinked trying to hold them back but with no luck. I have not felt the emptiness that strong in many months. I miss my daughter Sarah, but I am happy to be holding my daughter Joanna. My heart feels like it is torn in two. How can I be so happy and so sad at the same time?