Slowly, my mind starts to leave me. My emotions are running my actions. Relax? What is that? For the first time in a few months I find myself sliding down into that deep dark pit. I crawl at the sides not to side in. I have fallen in here so many times but this time I am aware I am falling and I want to stay up top in the light. Why am I sliding now? A broken heart that leaks from time to time is the only answer I can come up with.
Sarah’s EDD was last year on Sept 16. I did really well on her one year angel day but I am doing terrible the closer and closer her due date gets. I have no idea why I am taking this so much harder than I did her Angel day. I am prego now and was not then. I should be happy now. I should be excited. The tears are back and will not stop. They fight their way to the surface no matter what I am doing. Tues morning I could not stop crying. I thought I would have to miss work that day. The day before, I yelled at a coworker because of her not so nice comments about my life not being as stressful as hers. My emotions and stress are overwhelming. I try to relax for my little Bitt, but the tears take over. I miss my Sarah so much. I seldom think about the what if’s, but I have now that I realized I should have had a one year old not an angel. My heart is breaking again for my fairy princess. Sarah I miss you.
Here and Now
1 year ago