Sunday, July 6, 2008


My first docs appointment is slowly getting closer. I am so nervous and scared that we will not be able to find a heartbeat. Every strange cramp and feeling I have scares me but every ligament stretch or pain of a sore nipple makes me smile. I am going through a rollercoaster of feelings. How I am or my hubby hand bad news if we cannot find a heartbeat? Will seeing a heartbeat make me worry less? How will we be treated at the docs office since I am “high risk” this time? I have so many questions. I have so many fears.

Last night I was at my mother-in-law’s (MIL) and I had a lot of sugar (a huge cookie cake was there.) I got a very strange feeling. It felt like my muscle by my chest bone was jumping. I went and laid down for a while in my brother-in-law’s (BIL) bed. After a while I felt better but the deep down sacredness has not gone away.

I am left with my fear and questions. What was that feeling I had? Is the little one in danger? If he/she is in danger is there anything I could do? I feel helpless. I am trying very hard to leave it in God's hands. I pray that both my little one and I make it through a healthy pregnancy.

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Week 35

Week 35
Me and my Joanna